You can know exactly why you react a certain way and still find yourself reacting that way.
You understand why criticism makes you defensive, yet the defensiveness appears before you have had time to think. You know that saying no does not make you a bad person, yet the guilt arrives the moment you set a boundary. You may even understand where the pattern began. And still, when a similar situation appears, the old response is there.
This is something I find important in my work with Samskāra Rewiring.
Because recognising a Samskāra and rewiring it are not the same thing.
Rewiring Is Not Erasing the Past
For me, rewiring does not mean removing an old memory or making a familiar emotion disappear. It means creating the possibility of responding differently when an old pattern is activated.
Consider someone who learnt early in life that that saying ‘no’ meant being abandoned. As an adult, holding the smallest boundary could trigger anxiety and so they over-function, to exhaustion.
Now imagine that they begin to notice this pattern. The next time they hold a small boundary, the familiar discomfort appears, but instead of immediately over-compensating themselves, they pause. They hold the no for just a little longer and perhaps, realise that it did not end in abandonment.
The original experience has not been erased. But something new has happened in the presence of the old response.
This is where research on memory reconsolidation offers an interesting lens. Research suggests that when an established memory is retrieved, it can, under certain conditions, enter a temporarily more modifiable state. During this period, new information may influence how that memory is subsequently expressed. Research into emotional memories and fear learning has explored this process extensively.
This is a complex area of research, and it would be inaccurate to suggest that every memory can simply be rewritten or erased. Researchers have identified important conditions and limitations around when reconsolidation occurs and how reliably it can be demonstrated.
But I find the underlying idea useful when thinking about Samskāra Rewiring: An old response can be met with a new experience.
If criticism once meant “I am not good enough,” perhaps repeated experiences of receiving feedback without rejection can create something different.
If saying no once meant “I will lose connection,” perhaps experiencing a boundary without losing the relationship can offer a different learning.
If conflict once meant “I need to escape,” perhaps staying present through a difficult conversation can give us another experience of what conflict can be.
The aim is not to force the old response away. It is to practise another response when the familiar one appears.
Where Does Rewiring Actually Happen?
This is why I don’t think Samskāra Rewiring is simply about understanding our past. The past may help us understand why a pattern developed. But the opportunity to work with that pattern exists in the present.
It is the moment you notice the defensiveness before you speak. The moment you feel the guilt after saying no and don’t immediately take the boundary back. The moment you feel the fear of rejection without immediately seeking reassurance.
These moments may seem small, but they create something important: space between the pattern and the response. And that space gives us an opportunity to choose. With repeated practice, that choice can become more available.
For me, that is what rewiring means.
Not: “How do I get rid of this part of myself?”
But: “When this old pattern appears, can I give myself the opportunity to experience something different?”
Because rewiring a Samskāra is not about making the past disappear. It is about changing what becomes possible when the past shows up in the present.